Just You & I
by msashleyrenee
Summary: I just got sad that most Finchel Futures, that aren't fluff, have one of them doing something wrong, so heres a situation completely out of their control that they need to work through.
1. Weak Knees

"They'll have to airbrush this when I'm on the cover of a magazine, you know." She said, nonchalantly, on Sunday morning.

He looked up at her to see her turned to him, her hands spanning the length of her waist. She was standing in front of the mirror in their bathroom in boy shorts and a shiny, grey pushup bra, and he thought she was the sexiest woman alive. "And _why,_ exactly, will they have to do that?" he asked, his head tilting to one side.

"_Because_, Finn, they just will," she replied rolling her eyes and pinning her hair up into a dark, messy bun.

"Oh yeah? And what else will they _have_ to airbrush?" He hated that she still had insecurities about herself, even at 23.

"Hmm," she thought to herself and turned back to the mirror to meticulously analyze every part of her body, "well I guess they can't do my nose because that would be quite obvious. But they'll certainly thin out my face," she said turning her upper half to look at her back, "and my thighs."

He growled under his breath, she knew he loved everything, literally everything, about her legs. He moved behind her, wrapping his arms tightly around her torso, before they stared at each other in the mirror and he said, "You think so?" He dipped his lips to kiss her exposed neck, smiling when he felt her body erupt in goose-bumps.

"Mmmhmm," she hummed, tilting her neck to give him better access to her pulse points, "Don't you?" she gasped when he nipped her neck and swirled his tongue over her skin to sooth the bite.

He worked his way up her neck, pausing at her ear to breathe the single word, "No." When her eyes fluttered open he smiled and deliberately nudged the back of her knee with his, causing her to lose her balance. Before she fell to the ground he lifted her into his arms and chuckled, "Baby, do you think they can airbrush your weak knees?"

"Ha ha ha, very funny. Finn Hudson!" She slapped a hand against his chest, "Put me down!"

"Nope. You don't _really_ want me to anyway, do you?" He grinned when she huffed but still wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Well where are you taking me, anyway?" She wondered out loud.

"Our bedroom," her eyebrows arched and he smiled walking through the kitchen in their one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, "I have something I need to show you."

"What's that?" she asked as he walked them through the threshold into their room. The walls were a deep purple, Finn let her do all the decorating. She had enlisted the help of his step-brother, and he knew she wanted to have something to share with Kurt that was all their own. He didn't complain really, because even if the color was girly it made her happy and he didn't have to help her look at swatches and paint chips for months. On the plus side, Rachel swore the color purple brought out passion between people and he wanted her to have all the passion in the world in that room.

"You'll see." He told her, laying her down on their bed. Their queen sized mattress was covered by a soft, white down duvet which enveloped Rachel. Finn remembered wanting a king sized mattress but Rachel fought him on it. He never could figure out why until one day she finally told him: _because if we sleep on the edges of the bed there would be too much space between us, I hate sleeping far away from you_. He obviously caved and went out that day to buy the queen sized bed, hell he would have settled for a twin if he wasn't so tall, but he always made sure to pull her into the middle of the bed before falling asleep each night.

He climbed onto the bed hovering over her and pushed a small lock of hair that had fallen free from her bun out of her face, "I love you, you know."

She didn't hesitate, "I love you too, _so_ much. But, you're not showing me anything yet." She grinned, thinking she had him all figured out, so she was surprised and a little disappointed when he began talking to her instead of kissing her.

"Well, first off I'm sorry I made fun of your knees," he slid his hand underneath and hiked her leg up, meeting her knee with his lips, "I really do think they're incredibly sexy," he stretched her leg and began kissing the back of the knee causing her to let a sharp gasp slip. "And truly, it's not your fault that they're a little weak around me, they always have been," he murmured against the sensitive skin he found.

"You're _so_ funny," she sighed.

"Well, you're_ so_ beautiful," he smiled up at her, lowering her leg back down to the bed.

He desperately wanted to kiss her, but decided it was better to wait till he finished what he'd started.

"Second, I love your waist, and any person who thinks it should be airbrushed obviously is blind," his hands trailed the lines of her waist and slid beneath to press against her back. He kissed her stomach right above her belly button, and let his hands move back to grip her sides, making circles against her skin with his thumbs.

"And they especially haven't watched you put up your hair, because when your arms reach above your head, like this," he used one hand to move her arms, "your whole torso practically doubles in length." He kissed his way up one side of her, taking his time and losing himself in the giggle that escaped her lips.

He worked his way down her other side arriving at her left thigh where he sighed. "You, and probably everyone else in the world, know how much I love your legs, Rach."

Her breath hitched as her hiked her leg up to him again, he began to kiss his way up the inner, softer part of her thigh, and she let her head fall back while she held herself up on her elbows. "You know, actually, as I'm inspecting your thighs I can tell you they are completely, absolutely, perfect, and I wouldn't change a single thing about them." He mumbled against her, sending chills up her spine. He stopped his torture against her at the base of her boy shorts, eliciting an intense glare from her chocolate brown eyes.

He smiled innocently at her but decided to tease her, so he brought his lips up to hers and stared into her eyes for a few moments and then moved, swiftly, back to her ear. "And, anyone who tries to change your perfect face is looking to get theirs rearranged by me," he whispered. "Because, I love your cheeks, and your jaw," he lightly ran a finger along each part he described and trailed his touch with kisses, "and I especially love your lips." He traced them with his thumb staring at her, before lightly touching his to hers and pulling back.

"So, as you can see," he continued, "I really do have a strong opinion about this. I don't think you think it, Rach, but you're perfect in every way, to me." He smiled as she pulled him down to her. She kissed him until both of their lungs were about to collapse from a lack of oxygen.

"I love you, more than anything else in this world, Finn Hudson." She whispered against his chest and sighed feeling his arms wrap around her, "Can we skip brunch with Kurt today, and just stay in bed all day?"

"If you want to," he grinned and grabbed his phone off the bedside table, "I'll tell him we'll go to that theater show with him on Thursday and he won't care that we're bailing."


	2. Pink Lace

**Thank you so, so, so much to everyone who faved & alerted! && A special thank you to: raftersrule, GeekyGleek, WestmeetsEaston, & oftheheart for reviewing! It means a lot! **

**Warning: I tried my hand at smut in this chapter? I don't know if its any good so any suggestions are welcome. ALSO. I have a direction I'm going in so the next chapter won't be as happy :( it's actually going to be somewhat sad, but anyway suggestions for the plot line are welcome too. If you want to know where I'm going so you can give me ideas just let me know!**

**and the final note before I let you get to reading is: I made a special tumblr just for my fanfics, the only difference between what I put on here & what I put on there is that I'm going to post pictures of the outfits that inspire me and what I imagine them (mostly Rachel) wearing or other things like that. SO if you're interested check it out my url is missashleyrenee theres an actual link on my user profile here on fanfiction!**

Monday afternoon, Finn found himself sitting at an outside table of some upscale restaurant Kurt picked for their impromptu lunch. Kurt watched with disgust as Finn inhaled his bacon burger, moving his own fork around his grilled chicken caesar salad.

He scoffed at Finn and blurted, "I really can't eat without knowing what the hell is going on! Why did you call me for this 'emergency' lunch? What could possibly be so important that I had to leave the office? Blaine is going to kill me once he finds out I have to work late again because _you_ desperately needed to talk to me."

Finn choked down the bite that he had been chewing, "Oh yeah, sorry dude. Well, okay I have news."

"Obviously," Kurt rolled his eyes, "what was so important that you couldn't wait till after work, or tomorrow?"

"Well, the only time I could talk about this with you was during work because Rachel can't know." Finn admitted.

Kurt's eyes narrowed, "Oh God Finn, don't tell me you're cheating on her!"

"What? No. Like completely no. You're gonna be excited, I promise, because... I'm ready for the next step."

"Finn, the two of you have been on and off since the end of sophomore year, if you really think you're going to convince me that you haven't had sex then think again."

Finn shook his head, frustrated, "I'm going to ask her to marry me, Kurt." Finn couldn't help but laugh at Kurt's shocked expression, "Seriously? How dumb do you think I am, you walked in on us two years ago on the family cruise after graduation, obviously I wasn't talking about sex."

"I seriously try to keep that image out of my head and pretend it didn't happen. But, oh my god! You're going to get married! This is phenomenal! All of the wedding planning. The colors. The suits. The dresses." Kurt was brought back to reality by Finn's condescending gaze, "What? Rachel is honestly going to _need_ my help, her style's gotten better, but not _that_ much better."

"Well anyway, I didn't ask you to meet me just to tell you that I'm going to do it. I need your help getting this right, I mean I have a plan sort of, but you're going to have to help me."

"What did you have in mind?" Kurt asked, his interest level peaking.

"Well you know how I told you we'd go to that show with you on Thursday..." Finn's grin was widespread across his face as he divulged his tentative plan.

* * *

><p>"Finn?" She called into the empty apartment. After listening and receiving no response she moved into the kitchen and placed her bags on the countertop. She brought her hair up into a loose pony tail and moved over to the sink to wash her hands. Moving around the kitchen on her tip-toes she salted the water for the pasta and threw some olive oil, garlic, and chopped tomatoes in a pan. She turned on the burners and moved to open a bottle of wine and pour herself a glass.<p>

She loved to cook, especially since she found that little organic market a few blocks away from her office. She had been working for a local theater since college, after she graduated they offered her a higher position and she loved learning about every aspect of the business. As an added bonus she got to make connections and know the directors, and was still allowed to audition for parts. She smiled to herself, singing over the stove as she worked.

She was cooking for another half an hour and when she finally finished, turned the burner to low, and poured another glass of wine to take into the living room. She curled up into the crook of their chocolate brown, leather couch with the throw blanket and her wine glass.

The aroma hit him instantly as he crossed the threshold into their apartment. She had cooked his favorite pasta dish. He could picture her moving around the kitchen, he always thought it looked like she was dancing. He loved how she'd never ask him to help her reach things on the shelves that were too high for her. She'd reach up and jump a little and he'd sneak up behind her and grab it for her. She'd spin around and kiss him giggling, she was so sexy in the kitchen, she was always his favorite thing to watch.

When he walked into the living room he instantly saw the red blanket on the floor and smiled. She did this sometimes, she liked to used the living room floor as their table, she'd dim the lights and have white, long-stemmed candles flickering while they ate on the floor. They were her favorite nights, he knew because she'd fall asleep smiling and talk about him in her sleep. They were his favorite because she did it when she felt affectionate, and he loved that side of her.

His eyes moved to her on the couch and he draped his coat over the arm at the end. She looked adorable all wrapped up in a ball, asleep with her empty wine glass in hand. Kneeling down, he ran his hand along her bare arm and whispered, "Baby?" The throw blanket pooled at her legs as she sat up, a confused look in her eyes until the rested on him.

"I'm sorry I'm so late, Rach," he frowned, "I had more work to do than I thought. And I stopped to get you these," he held her the bouquet of dark, red roses he'd been clutching.

She smiled, lightly kissed him, and burried her nose in the bouquet, "It's okay. They're beautiful Finn."

"You're beautiful." He countered.

"You're sweet," she said smiling. "Are you hungry? I can get our bowls and everything, I was keeping it warm on the stove and I guess I fell asleep."

"I'll get it baby, do you want more wine too?" He asked, wondering how he got so lucky when his girlfriend stood up revealing a white eyelet cardigan & with a navy blue dress underneath.

"Mmm, white please? The one I used in the sauce is open on the counter; it'll go really well with the pasta." She said stifling a yawn.

"Okay," he told her, kissing her forehead and taking the glass she offered before heading into the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned, juggling two square bowls of pasta in one hand and two glasses of wine in the other. She took the wine from him and put the glasses on the floor before sitting down. He placed the pasta on the floor and sat next to her, legs outstretched.

When she went to grab the pasta and begin eating he said, "Nope," and pulled her into his lap. He kissed her temple as she settled into him and he handed her a bowl.

"Thank you," she said, nuzzling against his chest.

"No thank you, baby, this smells amazing." He took a bite of the pasta and closed his eyes savoring the flavors. "Rach, seriously? You've outdone yourself this time. What's the occasion?"

"Just because I love you," she beamed. They ate, and talked about what they did that day, and what they're doing during the rest of the week. Finn didn't tell Rachel about the lunch he had with Kurt, but she told him how excited she was to see the show later that week.

"I can't wait to see Blaine," she told him, "The four of us haven't been together since he went back home for his sister's birthday two weeks ago."

"I know," he told her, "I'm sure he's totally excited to see you too."

"I'm excited to see you," she whispered against his ear.

"You're seeing me right now," he smirked.

"Oh, I'm sorry I meant to say I'm excited to see you in our bed," she said, her hand trailing from his neck down to his chest, "without all this fabric."

He chuckled and grinned at her, "I have to clean up first."

"Leave it, it can wait till tomorrow," she breathed.

"Well that's not fair, it'll take me ten minutes tops, I promise. But, if I leave it for tomorrow you'll end up doing it." He wanted to jump her right there, on the living room floor, but hated when she cleaned after doing all this work already. Nevertheless, it still took all of his will power to say no when she was eyeing him like a piece of meat.

"Fine," Rachel sighed as she stood up and lazily moved toward their bed room. He watched her walk away and reach up to pull her hair from the pony tail and shake it free. When she made it to the doorway she glanced over her shoulder and gave him a sexy smirk before saying, "but hurry, please." And she disappeared into their bedroom.

He began by washing the dishes, and then moved on to putting away the blanket and the candles, and then he shut off the lights and locked the door to the apartment. He walked into their room to find it empty.

"Rach," he called.

"I'll be out in a minute," she told him from her walk-in closet. He figured she was organizing so he kicked off his shoes, jumped on the bed, and turned the TV on. She emerged from the closet wearing a pink bustle-back slip. The back was entirely lace, and the bottom had ruffled layers that enhanced her curves while showing off her slim waist. When Finn didn't notice that she'd come back into the room she cleared her throat.

"Hey baby, guess what's on tonight." He said without looking away from the television.

"Something more important than me right now?" She asked, one eyebrow raised, hands on her hips.

He turned to look at her, "Woah..." She smirked as he looked her up and down and turned the television off without a second thought, "When did I get so lucky?"

"Junior year of highschool, if I remember correctly," she told him, climbing onto the bed, black stilletos and all.

He pushed himself to sit with his back against the headboard of their bed and rested his hands on her hips when she straddled him. "This is so sexy, Rach." She felt his hands toying with the ruffles at the bottom of her slip and move to cup her ass.

"Mmm, I'm glad you think so." Her words were filled with lust and she tipped her head back letting her hair cascade against her back.

He wanted to be all over her, touching every part of her at once, so his hands rapidly roamed her body, appreciating her delicate frame. He took advantage of her exposed collar bone, exploring it with his lips, his teeth, and his tongue, making her whimper at his slight bites and kisses. His lips crashed onto hers, and they instantly parted, his tongue slipping into her mouth. He loved the taste of her and moved his hand to the back of her head to pull her closer and deepen their kiss. She was rolling her hips into him, smiling into the groans he was desperately trying to control.

He slid his free hand up the side of her waist, gripping her steadily. A sharp gasp broke their kiss when she reacted to him caressing her breast through the lace fabric. "They look amazing in this, baby, but i don't know how long you can keep this on." He mumbled against her neck.

His hand moved to the light pink, spaghetti straps and one-by-one slid them off her shoulders, with his mouth trailing his fingers to kiss her bare skin. His head continued downward to kiss her collarbone and the top of her breasts, with both hands he grabbed her slip at the waist and with a swift yank exposed them completely to his mouth. He brushed her pebbled nipples with his thumbs, and Rachel moaned at the contact. He kissed the swell of her breast and her skin burned up every where he touched.

"Please Finn," she begged him.

"What, baby? Tell me what you want," he prompted with a grin.

She chose to direct him instead, by running her fingers through his hair and bringing the nipple he wasn't manipulating to his lips. He flicked the tip with his tongue, teasing her, and chuckled when she pulled at his hair until he took it into his mouth. He began sucking and swirling his tongue around the sweet, sensitive bulb in his mouth. His eyes were locked on her as she tipped her head back again and tried to stifle the low moans coming from her throat. Not wanting her to quiet herself, he intensified his pressure, and slid his free hand up her thigh to run under her lace panties.

She arched her back as he moved his mouth to her other breast and slid his finger feeling her wetness. She whimpered as he slipped two fingers inside her, curling them against her walls. She instinctually rode his hand, and used her own hands to pull his face to hers, their kisses were passionate and fierce. He could feel that she was close to finishing, and removed his hand to flip her underneath him. She gasped and he pulled down her panties with one swipe of his finger. He admired her heels before locking her knee over his shoulder. Instantly his mouth was on her, his tongue slipping inside her, then out, then in again. He swirled it around her clit before gently sucking the mound and slipping his finger back into her core.

Her hands desperately grabbed at the sheets, he knew how difficult it was for her to hold on. "Finish for me baby. Let yourself come undone." He breathed, and she couldn't help herself. He helped her ride out the orgasm, proud of the way he made her body tremble.

"Did that feel good, Rach?" He moved up to kiss her forehead.

"That was amazing, you're amazing." She sighed into the fabric on his chest, "How on earth are you still clothed Finn Hudson?"

He chuckled and pulled the shirt over his head, "Sorry baby, I was a little busy."

"I wasn't just talking about the shirt," she purred as her hands moved to undo his pants. He lifted his hips to let her pull them off, and she slid her hand over the tip of his erection and he groaned.

"Now we're even," he told her.

"Oh yeah?" She said, "I can change that." She pulled his boxers off, completely exposing him in the process.

She held contact with his eyes as she lowered herself to swirl her tongue around his tip. He moaned her name as she began to take him in her mouth. He closed his eyes as she engulfed him with her warmth, she just felt _so _good. He nearly lost it when he hit the back of her throat the first time, but she replaced her mouth with her hand on his shaft, and began swirling her tongue around the tip again. He moaned when she took him into her mouth again, and her delicate fingers lightly tugged on his balls.

He gripped the back of her neck and pulled her up to kiss him and roll himself over her.

"Did you not like that?" She asked confused.

"Are you kidding, Rach that was amazing, but it's not fair that you still have clothes, and I want to finish with you." She licked her lips as he yanked her slip completely off. "Can you wear this every night? It's so incredibly sexy. Oh and if you're okay with it, I won't consider it unfair if you leave the heels on..."

She pulled him down to kiss her, and her eyes clouded with lust as he used his knees to spread open her thighs and settle between her legs. Her breathing hitched as he teased her opening with the tip of his cock.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Finn" she breathed

"What baby? You want this?" He slowly slid himself into her. She wrapped her legs around him as he began to thrust deeper and harder. Her nails raked his back as their lips slid between each other's mouths. She broke the kiss to whimper, and he began sucking on her neck. Her teeth bite the skin on his shoulders as she met his thrusts and began to make circles with her hips.

"Rach, I won't be able to last if you do that." He moaned against her skin.

She gyrated faster in response, hitting her g-spot with every circle.

"Faster. Oh Finn..." She breathed. He could feel her trembling around him so he thrust himself deeper into her, losing himself inside her. She cried his name as her walls came crashing down around him, and he buried his face in her hair allowing himself to lose control with her.

"I love you," he whispered through their panting.

"God, I love you too," she told him kissing his neck.

He rolled off of her, and she settled against his chest and whispered, "You make me so happy, Finn."

"You have no idea how happy you make me, Rach," he grinned down at her as she lifted her head to look at him. She reached her hand up to trace the bite marks along his shoulders. "I'm sorry about these," she giggled.

"I'm not," he told her, smirking as he kissed the top of her hair.

**I'm hoping to update again this week! Let me know what you thought && suggest/want to see happen.**

**As always Reviews are love3**


	3. Speechless

**A huge thank you to everyone who faved and alerted again! I'm so glad my smut chapter was received well :) A special thank you to GeekyGleek, noro, and WestmeetsEaston for reviewing! I hope this one is received well too, it's really sad. I'm forewarning you, it might be a crying chapter.**

**BUT the good news is that from this point on the story is about picking up the pieces and moving on.**

**Reviews are love 3 And later tonight I'm going to post it on tumblr with the pictures of outfits and a picture of the ring Finn picked! If you're looking for that tumblr site to check it out a link is on my user profile and the tumblr name is missashleyrenee **

Kurt was sitting by himself in the kitchen of the apartment he and Blaine shared on Thursday morning. His cell phone was idly making rotations in his hand as he stared at the wall.

"What's wrong Kurt?" Blaine asked, walking into the kitchen, dressed for work in his suit. He pulled the coffee pot out to pour some into a mug and stared at his boyfriend, who looked like he just received news that Barbara Streisand had died. Kurt shook his head as he came back into reality and smiled at his boyfriend.

"I don't know, babe, it's weird. I just have a weird feeling about today." His confession made Blaine smile.

"You're just nervous for Finn. I am too, this is a huge step. But, the chances of Rachel saying no are like one in a billion. She's going to say yes, and probably break into song, and cry. And then we'll all go out to dinner after the second act. By the way you did remember to call Brian to get it all set up for tonight, right?"

"Yeah, he said it's going to cost Finn two hundred dollars, which isn't really bad considering what he wants to do. Finn will tell Rachel he's going to use the bathroom five minutes before intermission, and she's going to try to convince him to wait till the act is over. He'll just press through and head back stage and wait for his cue. When the act is over, and the stage is clear, they're going to play the music and Finn will come out to the stage singing. She'll probably be in shock so you and I are going to have to push Rachel out of the row and into the isle.

Then I'm kind of just hoping instinct will take over for her and she'll walk to the stage. But, from there on it's all Finn. He'll finish his song and get down on one knee, and ask her. And when he says the last two words, I've arranged for the theater to light up 'MARRY ME?' in white lights at the back of the stage.

I guess you're right, about me just being nervous. She's going to be so surprised, what if he _actually_ manages to render her speechless. I think I'd pay money to see her have nothing to say. I'm so glad the theater agreed to tape this for us, I have a feeling we're gonna want to watch it more than once!" Kurt grinned.

"Finn's really lucky you convinced Brian to do this for him, Rachel's going to die of excitement." Blaine smiled and moved around the island to kiss Kurt, "I've got to go to work, but I'll see you at the theater at five?"

"Yup, I love you, I'll see you then!"

"I love you too, and stop worrying; everything's going to be fine!"

"I hope so," Kurt whispered as the door closed behind his boyfriend.

* * *

><p>Finn took a half day at work, and went back to their little apartment. Rachel wouldn't be going home before the show, she told him she packed her dress and shoes and was going to change in her office. The theater they were meeting at was a ways across the city so she was going to take the subway and they'd drive home together after the show. He wanted to go home and do some romantic stuff for her, so he bustled around the apartment leaving flower petals on the floor and their bed. He set up candles to light when they got home and was going to put on a mix of songs he made for her a few years ago and she loved.<p>

After he was satisfied with his efforts, he stripped down and jumped into the shower. He couldn't stop thinking about her, he wasn't really nervous, although he hadn't sung in front of a huge crowd in forever. He couldn't wait for it to be over though, not that he didn't want to do it, he just wanted to see her with a ring on her finger as his fiancé. He wanted her to know how serious he was about her, how much he truly loved and appreciated everything she did. And above all else, he wanted to make her happy.

He had gone to Tiffany's the day before and spent an hour looking at almost fifty different rings. Kurt had found out Rachel's ring size, how he did that Finn didn't care to know, but he had to admit having a brother like Kurt came in handy sometimes. Although, Kurt did try to insist on coming to help pick out the ring, Finn declined saying he needed to do this on his own. He finally settled on the starburst ring, and was more than excited to give it to her. He wouldn't have to pay off the ring because he'd been saving ever since he graduated, and it was totally worth it.

He stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, making his way back to their bedroom in search of an outfit. He settled on a black button down, gold tie, and black pants. He, of course, had no idea it was the same attire he wore when he told her he loved her for the first time, a detail she'd appreciate. He got dressed and assessed himself in the mirror. When he was satisfied he grabbed a coat, slipped the black box into his pant pocket and headed out the door. Rachel would be at the theater at six but he was meeting Kurt and Blaine there at five to prepare everything.

* * *

><p>Rachel was battling the red silky material in her office. "I really wish Finn were here," she mumbled to herself, "He always gets this dress zipped up." She huffed in frustration and finally the zipper slid to the top of her dress. She smiled in satisfaction and muttered "finally". She moved over to grab her makeup bag and run into the bathroom to fix herself. When she emerged she checked her phone only to realize she was running behind schedule.<p>

"Crap!" She ran back to her office and grabbed her bag and ran out the door into the dark city. Once she broke through the doors she smiled and took a deep breath of the city. She still loved New York, six years of life here and she still felt like it was yesterday her and Finn were packing everything into his red pickup truck for freshman year.

She shook herself back into really and started running down the street to the subway. Twenty minutes later she was running out of the subway, after checking her phone she knew she had ten minutes and she began to relax. She was a block away from the theater when her shoe got caught and she fell.

"Damn high heels," she muttered under her breath as she was struggling to pick herself up again. She was about to take her first step toward the theater when a large hand covered her mouth and yanked her backward, dragging her into an alley.

* * *

><p>"Kurt, where the hell is she!" Finn's anxiety was starting to creep up on him, she was never late, it just wasn't in her personality.<p>

"I don't know Finn but she'll be here. Just calm down and I'll call her again." Kurt stepped into a side hallway one finger pressed to his ear listening to the ring that would never be answered.

"Don't worry so much Finn, she'll be here. She probably just had to catch a later trip on the subway." Blaine put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Kurt could feel that feeling from earlier in the morning creep back into his stomach as he tried Rachel's cell again, and again.

She thought the attack would last forever, her eyes stung as tears streamed down her cheeks. She wished he would have just killed her but he didn't.

_The man had dragged her far down the alley behind a dumpster and kept his hand over her mouth. She kicked and tried to scream but it was no use, he held the knife to her throat and told her if she screamed he'd kill her. When she nodded telling him she understood he grinned and said, "Good," with a low voice that made Rachel feel like she was coated with dirt._

_He forced her to the ground; straddling her he removed his hand. She gasped when she felt the cold blade tracing the lines of her dress. He chuckled and she felt like she was going to throw up. Her arms were pinned down next to her and he began to violate her. She squeezed her eyes shut and begged herself to think of something else, anything else. _

_Finn. Sectionals. Breakup. Jesse. Regionals. I love you. Summer. School. Wedding. Santana. Puck. Kissing Booth. Quinn. Fireworks. Jesse. Prom. New York. Work date. Pretending. Kiss. Lost. Bookshelves. Kiss. Summer. Seniors. Graduation. College. New York. Graduation. Finn._

_He told her to say she liked it, she wouldn't. He hit her and her face smashed into the asphault next to her. Her eyes stung. Her body stung. She stared at the trash next to her and hummed, almost inaudibly, to Don't Stop Believing, willing Finn to come save her. _

After he left she just laid there, like she was dead. She wished she was dead. She just let the tears stream down her face and didn't make a sound.

* * *

><p>"Kurt, I'm just gonna go see if maybe she's lost outside or something. Maybe her phone's on silent right? We didn't fight or anything so there's no reason for her just not to show." Kurt nodded and told him he'd continue to call her.<p>

Finn rushed outside, but the street was deserted, everyone who was here for the show was already in their seats. Finn shook his head sadly and started to walk down the street. He called her name and looked around, noticing a side street close to the theater, so he decided he'd check that far and then head back to see if Kurt heard anything. He was about to turn around when he saw a red shoe. He knew that shoe. And there was a leg attached to the red shoe. He knew that leg. His thoughts became choppy and rage bubbled up from his stomach, what if she's dead? He ran as fast as he could to the dumpster.

He almost threw up. She was just lying on the ground, silently crying. She didn't look at him. She didn't move, she was still, like she was convincing herself she was dead. Her red dress was dirty, and it had a few rips on it. She looked so hurt, and it made him angry. He crouched down to her level and softly said her name. Her head slowly turned towards him, her eyes looked lost. She looked confused, like a child that didn't know who she was.

His heart was breaking for her; he sat down on the ground next to her and opened his arms. She silently crawled into his lap and he felt the tears soaking his shirt, her face was buried in his chest. He wrapped one arm around her tightly and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Baby, I'm going to call Kurt and tell him where we are." She didn't say anything so he pressed the speed dial 3 and waited for him to pick up.

"Hey Kurt, I found her. You and Blaine need to get out here... and call the police." He hung up and clutched Rachel's trembling body tighter to him.

He heard them running before they made it to the opening in the alley, and he yelled to them to let them know where they were. They were shocked to see Rachel in a ball in Finn's lap. She didn't turn to look at them, she didn't move. Her hands held fists of Finn's shirt, and her breathing was hitched and uneven.

"We called the police, they're on their way. Was she?" Kurt whispered.

Finn nodded his head to where Rachel's black panties lay on the ground, cut off her body with a knife, and rocked her back and forth in his arms.

* * *

><p>The police had come and tried to talk to Rachel, but she didn't say anything. She just stared out into space, she was broken. Finn wasn't allowed to leave her side, that was the only thing she had made clear. He had told her he was going to get her water and her eyes went wild and she clutched him tighter. He moved three feet away to speak to an officer and she moved with him. She didn't want to be alone, she didn't want to be without him. He tried to get her to sit with Kurt so he could tell the officers what he knew, but sobs started ripping through her throat and he refused to hurt her more than she was already.<p>

The officers looked solemnly at her, realizing she wasn't about to talk there, and said they should go to the hospital and have a rape kit done. Rachel nearly screamed, Finn pulled her into his chest and soothed her, telling her he'd be there through the entire thing. He wouldn't leave her. She crumbled into tears again, but somehow Finn got her into the ambulance. He told Kurt and Blaine he'd call them when they got home, but they said they'd meet them at the hospital.

Rachel closed her eyes and silently cried through the entire procedure. Finn held her hand through everything but the pictures. They patched up her face and gave her some medication to help her relax. When she fell asleep the doctors pulled Finn aside and gave him some advice.

"Be careful of fast movements, and don't be forceful with her. Let her come to you; don't try to make her talk about this. She's obviously in shock, and sometimes this will go on for hours, sometimes for weeks. There's no way to tell how long she'll feel this way. We gave her some medication, if she needs more just bring her back. And it might help her to talk about this to a third party person, so here is a card of a therapist who specializes in this type of trauma." Finn just nodded and said he understood, he thanked the doctor and went to find Kurt and Blaine in the waiting room.

He sat down next to them and put his head in his hands.

"Did she say anything?" Kurt asked

"No, she just cried through the whole thing. The doctor said she was definitely raped though. The bastard didn't use a condom, so there might be a match of DNA if he's been in the system before. She's refusing to talk to anyone. She doesn't even want to talk to me, she just looks at me with these sad eyes, and I don't know what to fucking do."

"Finn," Blaine's reassuring hand was on his shoulder again, "there is nothing you can do, except be there for her. She'll talk about it when she's ready, but right now what she needs is for you to support her. You make her feel safe, that's why she doesn't want to be away from you."

"Obviously not safe enough." Finn muttered.

"This is no one's fault Finn. Not yours, not Rachel's, not anyone's. No one could have known this was going to happen." Kurt told him.

"I know it's just-" her high-pitched wail ripped through his bones, and he was instantly running.

"Baby!" She was crying, her knees brought up to her chest and she was shaking. She looked at him with sad, heart-breaking eyes and he knew.

"Baby, I didn't leave you. I was down the hall updating Kurt and Blaine. I didn't leave you Rachel. I'm so sorry." His heart was in his throat when she crawled back into his lap, if he was holding her he couldn't leave her. He whispered repeatedly into her hair, "Don't cry. I love you. I'm here."

Kurt was near tears in the doorway watching them. He told a nurse to tell his brother to call him when he and Rachel got home from the hospital.

* * *

><p>"Rachel, we just have to go through this once and then it'll be over. But you have to talk to us." The female officer coaxed her. They were in the police station, the cops assured Finn after they were done here they could just go home. He wanted to go home so badly and he knew she did too.<p>

"Rach," he whispered to her, "I know how hard this is going to be for you. But you're the strongest person I know, and if you can just do this we can go home. We'll go home, and I'll never ask you to talk about it again unless you want to." Her eyes locked with his when he said the word home and he knew he got through to her.

The officer asked him to leave, she thought Rachel might be more willing to talk without him listening.

"She might feel ashamed," the woman told him, "she might not want you to hear everything that happened to her."

"She doesn't have to feel ashamed," Finn whispered, "she didn't do anything wrong."

"I know that, and you know that, but a lot of time rape victims feel like they could have stopped it. Just let me talk to her, give me half an hour and then I'll let you take her home like you said." Finn nodded, defeated, and sunk his head into his hand. A half an hour later the officer came out of the room and pulled Finn to the side.

"I'm not going to tell you specifics of what she told me in there, but there is something you should know. The man who attacked Rachel also took her clutch. He told Rachel if she talked to anyone about what happened he would come back and find her. He has her license, keys to the apartment, her phone, credit cards, and everything." Finn was shaking his head in disbelief.

"We're going to have someone watching your apartment tonight, but the first thing you have do tomorrow is tell your landlord you're changing the locks. Perpetrators almost never follow through on threats like these but it's better to be safe. We called the credit card companies and notified the DMV of what happened, the credit cards are all frozen and you can go to the DMV to get Rachel a new license. As for her phone you're going to have to call the wireless provider and tell them what happened, they will handle everything from there."

"Is she okay?" Finn choked out.

"She's scared, and going through everything with us wasn't easy for her. She told us everything that happened from start to finish and hasn't said anything else. You can take her home now, we'll have an officer drive you home, but if anything happens, please don't hesitate to call me." Finn nodded and gave the officer an appreciative smile.

He walked over to the room where Rachel was sitting alone. "Baby?" he called, "we can go home now." She nodded and stood up, walking over to him to bury her tearstained face in his chest, a sob from her small body pierced through his heart as he wrapped his arms around her. "You're safe, Rach, let's go home."

* * *

><p>He carried her into the apartment, she had fallen asleep in the squad car, curled up to his side making as much contact with him as possible despite the seat belt she was forced to wear. Finn had wanted to tell the cop that if Rachel wanted to sit in a ball on his lap he would gladly throw himself in front of a car in the event of an accident, but him getting worked up would only make things worse. She woke up as he sat her in a stool at their island.<p>

"Do you want tea, Rach? I'll make you some, I'll even make you that green herbal tea you love." She just shook her head no. "Okay why don't I set you up with a nice hot shower?" She didn't disagree so he walked to the bathroom, his little shadow taking tiny steps to follow him into the bathroom. He smiled at her when she sat on the toilet seat cover as he turned the water to hot and waited for the steam to fill the room.

"Do you want me to leave while you undress baby? It's okay if you do." He was crouched down before her, and she shook her head no but she made no move to remove her clothes. "Do you want me to help you?" She nodded slowly staring at him, her eyes trusting and vulnerable. He kept eye contact with her the entire time, he slowly unzipped the dress and slid it off her arms and when she stood he pulled down on it to let the red material pool at her feet. She hadn't been wearing a bra and her thong had been cut off her, just thinking about it made his blood boil. Still staring into her eyes he pulled back the shower curtain, willing her to step over the ledge. When she did he pulled a towel from the closet and laid it on the bathroom counter.

"Baby, I'm just going to be in the kitchen, I'm going to make you some tea." She stuck her head out of the shower, her eyes red and filling with tears again.

"Okay, okay. I'll stay in here if you want me too. Don't get upset," he soothed. She reached a hand out to him and he moved closer to her. She gently pulled him until he stepped into the shower with her. He let the hot water soak his clothes and he let her cry. She shook as he held her close to him, his arms wrapped around her. The steam softened her skin, and when her shaking turned to slow sobbing he reached out and grabbed the body wash. He put some on a facecloth and lathered it up before running it down her arms; she stared at him as he washed away the dirt that she felt on her skin.

He was gentle and slow, he treated her like a delicate child and was ever so careful. He went over each part of her body three times, each time she felt so grateful. She tilted her head back and let him wash her hair for her. He rinsed out her long curls and rinsed her body with the hot water before stepping out of the shower. He quickly stripped out of his soaking clothes, and wrapped a towel around himself before helping her out of the shower. He wrapped her like a burrito in her towel and carried her to their room, he scrambled to clear the flower petals off the bed. She was too dazed to notice, and she chose a button down shirt of his to wear to bed but she let him dress her. She wanted to surround herself with him, in every way possible, he was her safety net.

He dressed himself and told her he was going to get her medicine, he'd leave the door open and be right back. He put on a pot for tea, and quickly swept up the remainder of the petals she didn't see on the floor. How had this night gone so wrong, he wondered, as he fished out the little black box from his pants pocket, throwing the rest of his clothes in the dryer. He looked at the ring, and closed the box, hearing the whistle from the teapot. He poured her a mug of tea and grabbed the pill bottle from the counter.

She was asleep, he hated himself for needing to wake her to take her medicine. The doctor said it may help prevent nightmares though, so he gently shook her awake and her eyelashes fluttered open.

"I'm sorry Rach, I didn't want to wake you, but you really should take some more medicine. She nodded reluctantly and sat up taking the mug with both hands she took two shaky sips. He handed her the pills, which she swallowed and continued to sip her tea.

"I love you so much Rachel." She stared at him, eyes filling with tears. "Don't cry baby, it breaks my heart to see you cry."

He took the mug from her when she looked like she wasn't going to have any more and placed it on the bedside table. He turned out the lights and climbed into bed. The officer's words rang in his head about not pulling her or pushing her before she was ready. So he stayed on his side of the bed, wishing he could pull her to the middle like he had every night for the past three years. He would have sworn he could hear a pin drop in the silence. When he heard her hitched breathing he breathed her name, she was instantly in his arms. Her tears soaked his shirt again, and her sobs shook the whole bed.

"Shh," he consoled her, "It's okay, I'm here now. I'm so sorry. I'm here." His arms wrapped around her and she molded her body to his, she was trying to crawl into his skin. Be a part of him. She was trying to be safe. She was only safe with him. Slowly she drifted off to sleep and Finn held her, kissing her hair, and that's when he cried. He cried until he fell asleep too, the two of them intertwined.

**I'm telling you it only gets better from here. This is the low point of the story and its so soon because I wanted it to be about them overcoming something. Anyway, how cute is Finn. God I love him && I love writing him like this. **

**Suggestions are totally appreciated. Where should I go from here? I have some ideas, but nothing concrete!**


	4. Lock & Key

**This ones kind of short, I'm sorry for that. It's more of comforting Finn whom I love, and sad Finn who I just want to kiss better. ANYWAY. The next chapter will be longer but this one is necessary. Thank you so much to EVERYONE who read, reviewed, faved, alerted, etc. You're all amazing and I can't believe how well this is being received. I wasn't sure how people would react to throwing the rape into the mix but I'm glad you all didn't focus on the negative because that's totally what this isn't about, it's about them overcoming this and growing from it. moving on though, a special thank you to: noro, GeekyGleek, Maria Amaya, AliceLovesGlee, WestmeetsEaston, & CassidyAMiller, thank you all for reviewing && you're all amazing beyond belief, I don't deserve any of you. xoxo **

He woke up, at four in the morning, to hear sobs coming from the closet. He jumped out of bed and moved swiftly to the closed door, with a flick of his wrist a soft blue light from the window washed over Rachel. His eyes scanned over her quickly, checking for physical injuries; something he could kiss away. Finding nothing, he sat on the plush carpet with her, waiting for a signal.

She stared at him with sad brown eyes, her breathing hitching as she tried to quiet herself. He imagined her eyelids holding the weight of the world as they slowly opened and closed, she was exhausted. When she looked at the floor instead of him he could tell she was feeling sorry.

Her breathing would have turned into hyperventilating if he hadn't said anything, so he extended an arm to her. She moved to into his lap, sighing relief against his warm, bare chest.

"Rach, why are you in the closet?" Her breathing hitched, but her voice refused to escape her lips.

He sighed, "Are you in the closet because you don't want me to see you crying?"

She nodded into him, and he placed a hand on the back of her head to comfort her. "It's okay. Shh. It's going to be okay," he told her. When she stilled considerably, he lifted her chin to look into her eyes.

"Baby, the only thing that breaks my heart more than seeing you cry, is seeing you hide from me. You never have to do that. Ever. I'm going to stay with you even if you cry every day for the rest of our lives, I promise." A small, timid smile crept onto her face, he'd take that.

"Can we go back to bed now?" He whispered into her hair, placing a soft kiss where his breath had been. She nodded, so he picked her up and carried her back to their bed. Climbing in after her, Finn felt for the first time their bed was entirely too large. She nuzzled into him though, and he wrapped his arms around her. He never wanted to let her go.

* * *

><p>Kurt could hear Finn rattling around in the kitchen through the receiver. "You know you're not being very quiet in there, right?"<p>

"Ow! God damn. I just want to make her some soup, Kurt. When did this get so difficult?" Chuckling at his step brother, Kurt held the phone to his ear while putting finishing touches on the vegan shepherd's pie he was putting in his own oven.

"Well, Finn, you're going to wake her up if you keep making that banging noise. Besides, just slow down. I'm making some of her favorites and I even found a new recipe for a vegan baked macaroni and cheese. I'll bring them all over and you'll have enough food for a week. Well, as long as you don't eat any."

Finn sighed, "Thanks Kurt. I'm seriously lost; I don't know what to do here."

"She's still not talking?" Kurt frowned.

"Not breathing a word. Not even to me. I normally can't get her to shut up, now she just looks at me all sad." Finn's voice was lower, not willing to risk Rachel hearing.

Kurt didn't know what to say. Luckily, Finn continued, "I feel like I failed. I should have protected her, I knew something was wrong. Now, she's all broken and it's my fault. I need to be able to fix this, to fix her, and I can't. I don't know how." Kurt could hear the frustration in Finn's voice. He imagined him in the kitchen running his hands through his hair so roughly that he pulled some out.

"Finn, none of this is your fault. And, what you're doing now is called grieving. Because, yes Rachel is the victim, but so are you. Right now, you're doing the best you can, and that's good enough for her."

"I just wish she would talk to me. I miss her voice." Kurt felt a guilty pang for saying he'd pay to see Rachel speechless yesterday.

"She will, just give her time. I'll be over in about an hour."

"Okay." Finn hung up the phone and stared sadly at the bedroom that housed his broken girlfriend.

* * *

><p>She held her breath listening to Finn in the kitchen.<em> He was perfect. He was being perfect. She was hurting him. This was hurting him. <em>His footsteps led to the door and she shut her eyes, pretending to be asleep.

* * *

><p>Rachel looked so peaceful; Finn didn't want to wake her. It was noon, and she hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, so he had to. He gently crouched down to her and whispered her name. She stirred and yawned, he eyes settled on him and she smiled. It was a small smile, but she looked brighter which warmed him a little.<p>

"I made soup for you. I don't know if it's any good but you have to eat something baby." She nodded and he visibly relaxed as she sat up and let her bare feet touch the floor. He noticed her movements were shaky and offered a hand to her back. She needed food and he was glad he woke her. They made it to the island and he helped her onto a high stool.

"Here you go sweetheart," he put a bowl in front of her and watched for her reaction. He could tell it was bad; he chuckled at her attempt to pretend she liked it. Even Rachel wasn't _that _good of an actress. She continued to eat the soup though, and he smiled at how beautiful she looked in his button down.

"You don't have to eat that if it's bad, Rach. Kurt's going to come by with some stuff that's actually edible in like an hour." She kept eating the soup though, "I have to run some errands though, so I'll be gone for a little while."

She dropped the spoon against the glass bowl and stared into him. "Hey, hey. I'm not leaving you alone; Kurt's going to stay with you." He was at her side and caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I have to go get some new locks and keys for the apartment. I called the theater and my office and told them we weren't coming into work today. But, my boss needs me to look at something for him quickly, _very_ quickly. Then, I was thinking I'd pick up some movies and we'd spend the whole weekend here together."

When her head sunk he told her, "Baby, I'll be gone for an hour and a half, two hours tops." She pushed the soup away and moved past him to curl up on their couch. He felt like he was talking to a wall. When he joined her on the couch she stretched out and fell asleep with her head in his lap, his hands combing lightly through her hair.

Finn didn't know when he fell asleep, but he woke up to the sound of a key turning in his front door. He tensed instantly, but relaxed when Kurt slipped through the door with two bags of food. A finger touched Finn's lips, as he told Kurt that she was asleep, slightly lifting her head to sneak off the couch.

"She looks peaceful at least," Kurt whispered empathetically.

"Yeah dude? You should have seen her face when I told her I needed to go out for a couple hours. I thought she was going to call the police right then and there." Finn shook his head.

"Did you tell her I was going to stay with her?" Kurt was putting dishes of food (with specific preparation instructions taped on each container) in the fridge.

"Yeah, she's just scared I think. She doesn't like to be without me. Which is interesting enough, since I couldn't protect her in the first place."

"Finn, seriously? You know that's not true, no one knew what was happening… what on earth is that?" He motioned to the bowl of red liquid still sitting on the counter.

"Let's just say I'm glad you live so close, or else we'd starve."

"That is supposed to be food? You're kidding, right?" Kurt gasped incredulously.

"Dude shut up. I was trying okay," Finn reached for his coat and keys, "she always cooked. Anyway, I'm gonna go while she's still sleeping, that way it won't feel like I'm gone that long. Will you be okay?"

Kurt shrugged, "Well at least she won't be forced to eat poison while I'm here."

Finn chuckled and slipped out the door, locking it behind him.

* * *

><p>When he opened the apartment door he was faced with Kurt holding a broom, poised for attack. He burst out laughing, and quieted when he saw Rachel asleep on the couch. "Really dude? <em>That's <em>how you're going to protect my girlfriend? With a _broom_?"

Kurt shrugged, "She never woke up so, I decided to clean. It was already in my hand."

Finn moved to put the hardware bags on the counter, shaking his head. "I guess it's a good thing she's sleeping. I found her at four in the morning in her closet crying, who knows how long she was up before I woke up too."

"I thought you said she slept till noon?" Kurt watched as Finn took the new door handle and dead bolt locks over to the door.

"Yeah, but she didn't fall back asleep till eight. I had to sing to her to get her to relax. I haven't had to do that in forever." He started to take apart the current door handle.

"Let me guess, Journey?" Kurt leaned against the wall.

"Yeah, you know she loves it when I go all acapella for her."

"Mmm, so what'd your boss want you to look at anyway?" Kurt was playing with the old door handle Finn had removed.

"My new contract. He gave me a promotion." Finn told him flatly.

"Isn't that a good thing? Why don't you sound excited?"

He turned from the lock he was installing and looked at Kurt sadly, "I feel like I'm not supposed to be."

Kurt sighed and leaned down to put a hand on Finn's arm, "This is an awful thing that has happened Finn. And we all feel for Rachel, we really do. But, good things are going to happen, and you can't keep them from her. To be honest, she probably needs good news so she can realize that things don't have to stop, she can move on."

"You do know that it hasn't even been twenty-four hours yet, right?" He struggled to keep his voice steady.

"I'm not saying she should wake up and feel fine, Finn. I realize this is traumatic and it's going to take some time to heal. I'm just saying don't keep stuff from her, especially the good stuff." Kurt stood and grabbed his keys from the island, "I've got to go into work for a few hours, but call me if you need anything else."

Finn softened, "Thanks Kurt, you're a really great friend to her you know."

Kurt glanced towards the living room, "I care about her more than I let on. If I'm being honest, I think of her as my sister already."

Finn smiled as his step-brother slipped out the door and finished the work he was doing on the locks.

* * *

><p>"Mmm" Rachel hummed as she woke up, her head in Finn's lap. After he finished the locks he called the police to update them he snuck back onto the couch with her. His fingers were lightly tracing circles on her arms, and he felt her skin warm to his touch as she woke.<p>

"Hi baby," he whispered, placing a kiss on the tousled hair at the top of her head as she scurried to sit in his lap. His arms instantly wrapped around her body as she snuggled into the smell of his cologne.

"Are you hungry?" He laughed when she shook her head, "I know you are, you've barely eaten anything. And, you slept through the entire time I was gone so I know you didn't eat then. Kurt brought by some stuff for you, I'm not attempting to cook again. I'll show you what he made if you want?"

She giggled into him and it was quite possibly the sweetest sound he'd ever heard in his whole life. He picked her up and carried her to the kitchen where he showcased the meals Kurt had brought. Finally, he made (or heated) her a plate of vegan shepherd's pie. She only ate half, which he frowned at but let it go because at least she ate something.

He cleaned up and they put a movie on and cuddled on the couch all night. Her medicine made her drowsy so she kept falling in and out of sleep until her finally decided to move her into the bedroom. He waited for her to meet him in the middle of the bed again. When he finally felt her body he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and wrapped his arms protectively around her.

He whispered how he loved her, and how he was here for her, and how she didn't have to be scared anymore. And, when he thought she was finally asleep he told her how sorry he was, and how much he missed the sound of her voice. She wasn't asleep, she heard.

**Okay, SO. you have no idea how difficult it is to write a chapter with Rachel completely silent. GEEZE. which I think is part of the reason this was so short, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep her that way, plus it's really difficult to work through those issues without talking, so if you didn't like that she said nothing don't worry I'm pretty sure her voice will come back in the next chapter and this one was more about establishing Finn's feelings of guilt anyway. Oh and do we like the interactions of Finn with Kurt? I kind of like the idea of them being close. oh well so, I've got my own idea of when she starts to talk again, but just to spice it up does anyone have any ideas? Anyway, thanks for reading, I love you all && reviews are love.**


	5. Letting Go

**Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has reviewed/alerted/favorited! Im so happy so many people are enjoying this story! A special thank you to YesimH, Maria Amaya, Noro, freedomgleek, WestmeetsEaston, and AliceLovesGlee for all reviewing :) You guys are the best! Also thanks so much for the suggestions about what should happen next I really loved them, and a lot of them I was thinking about doing myself! So anyway, here is the latest chapter I hope you all love!**

She couldn't sleep, not really anyway. She faked sleeping so Finn wouldn't make her take the medication the doctors had given her. The pills made her feel out of control and dazed, she needed to take control back. She _needed_ to think clearly. She needed to get over this, to stop being so dramatic. She _needed_ to be _Rachel_ not some drugged out, confused girl.

She was lying in their bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to his even breathing as he slept. He was curled around her, his arm protectively draped across her torso. She _needed_ to be her for him. He was the only thing that truly mattered. She loved him. She loved him so much more than Broadway, or the spotlight, or even music. It took her forever to realize how much he truly meant to her, and now he was hurting. He was hurting because of _her_.

"_Do you want me to leave while you undress baby? It's okay if you do." __ "__Don't cry baby, it breaks my heart to see you cry." "__Baby, the only thing that breaks my heart more than seeing you cry, is seeing you hide from me." "I'm seriously lost; I don't know what to do here." "Not breathing a word. Not even to me. I normally can't get her to shut up, now she just looks at me all sad." "I feel like I failed. I should have protected her, I knew something was wrong. Now, she's all broken and it's my fault. I need to be able to fix this, to fix her, and I can't. I don't know how."_

His words scrambled around in her mind as she blinked back tears she didn't think she had anymore. A sharp gasp escaped her lips as she realized what she truly needed to do. _She needed to let him go_.

She loved him more than anything, and she was _hurting_ him. Her mind was made up, and she needed to make action now (she might change her mind if she didn't). Slowly she slid out from his grasp and off the bed. She made her way into the closet and began blindly, quietly tearing clothes from their hangers and throwing them in a duffle bag she found on the floor. It took her less than five minutes to pack, she cried the entire time. Her heart was breaking, but his would be too if she stayed.

She slipped out the door of their bedroom, and nearly collapsed in the living room as seismic sobs rocked through her body. Before she let her selfishness get the better of her, she dragged herself to the door to the apartment and walked out.

* * *

><p>He instantly awoke hearing a door close. Looking around, he didn't see her. He figured she had to use the bathroom. He got out of bed and walked toward their bedroom door. The light in the closet was on which he thought was weird, but he kept on moving into the living room. He realized the light wasn't on in the bathroom. His pulse quickened as he checked the apartment, finding no sign of Rachel. <em>It was the front door, she left<em>.

He grabbed the new set of keys from the counter and burst out the door. He could hear her crying as he made his way down the hallway. Turning the corner he saw her curled up into a ball in the stairwell, her small theater duffle on the floor next to her.

"What the hell were you thinking, Rachel?" He didn't expect his words to be laced with anger as he yelled, but when he heard it in his voice he realized he was shaking. "Seriously? Where were you going? You have no phone, no ID, no money or credit cards," the anger was fizzling out as the realization that she was leaving him began to sink in. "For real, Rach? You're leaving me? You didn't even leave a note." His voice broke as he fell into a sitting position on the stairs, his head in his hands. "I know I'm not handling this perfectly, but am I so bad you have to leave?" Tears were thick in his throat as he whispered to her, not expecting a response really, she hadn't said a word in two days.

He thought he was hallucinating when he heard her breathe his name. He looked up at her, her eyes wide and swollen from crying. She stared into him as she whispered three words to him, "I'm so sorry."

* * *

><p><em>I'm so sorry<em>. She meant it in so many different ways. She was sorry she was hurting him. She was sorry she wouldn't talk to him. She was sorry she had to leave him. She was sorry she didn't leave a note. She was sorry she broke him. Most of all, she was sorry she let herself be raped.

She dropped her gaze and her face fell into her small hands as she said she was sorry over and over again. She found it difficult to catch her breath and she wasn't shocked when she started to hyperventilate. It became a blur for Rachel. Finn was at her side, rubbing her back, whispering to her. He hoisted her up and carried her back into their apartment. She felt her throat constricting as she ripped short, shallow breaths from her throat.

When they stopped moving she stopped thinking and just stared into space. Her body was shaking as Finn pulled her closer to him on the couch. He held her tightly to him, pressing her head against his chest. The rhythmic beat of his heart was soothing to her. She held her throat, massaging it, attempting to relieve the choking feeling. Her eyes fluttered closed as she wondered if she was going to die like this.

_It would be a wonderful way to die_, she thought, _in his arms. _

* * *

><p>He felt her go limp against him and he kissed the top of her hair, she'd finally stopped fighting it. Her body physically couldn't take her bottling everything up anymore. The doctors had told him that it might happen, she might break. He didn't think it was possible for her to break more than she was already broken, and yet there he was holding her wishing a band-aid could fix everything she felt.<p>

"Finn," she whispered against his chest.

"Yeah Rach?" he responded quietly, willing her to say something else, wishing her voice would fill the room.

"I fought him, you know. I didn't just let him…" Her voice cracked.

"You don't have to tell me anything Rachel. I mean if you want to I'll listen and be here for you, but you don't _have_ to. And I knew you fought him, I didn't need the doctors to tell me you had his DNA under your nails to know you fought like hell."

She nodded against him and whispered, "What just happened to me?"

He sighed and stroked her hair, knowing she wasn't talking about the rape, "You had an anxiety attack. The doctors said you might have one 'cause you weren't, you know, talking… at all. They told me all about them, but that's why you _need_ to take the medication they gave you, Rachel."

"I hate those pills. They make me feel… they make me feel not like myself." She murmured into him.

"Rach, when really bad things happen to people they change. You might not feel like you again for a while."

"Which is why I have to leave." She whispered, scrambling to get off of him, but he just held her to him.

"Yeah, explain that to me again? Why exactly do you have to leave?"

She gave up resisting and collapsed on him again, "I'm not me anymore. I'm hurting you, I'm breaking you. This is breaking you. You're so perfect, and I'm-I'm… You're better off without me." The words whispered around him as he realized how she was feeling, what she was thinking.

He sat them up startling her, and cupped her face, "You think you're hurting me? You're not hurting me. This situation is horrible; I wish you never had to go through something like this. If anything you should be leaving because I couldn't protect you, I wasn't there… and I should have been."

"You shouldn't have to feel like this Finn," he was amazed that words were seriously spilling out of her mouth, "there was nothing you could have done. This – this is not something you should have to go through. You shouldn't have to deal with this, with me."

Her words flew at him so fast he barely processed them. It was like she had bottled up everything she wanted to say and now the words were racing out of her at a mile a minute.

"Rachel," he sighed, "when are you going to get that I love you? When something happens to you, it happens to me. And, right now, this is what's happening to us. I mean, I'd be lying if I said what happened didn't make me upset. And I can't look you in the eye and say I'm not hurting. But, you're hurting way more than I am, and you wouldn't be helping either of us by leaving." He was grazing her cheek with his thumb, tracing over her small scrape, "I'm hurting for you Rachel, not because of you. So get that thought through this pretty little head of yours."

"But, you don't have to be, Finn." Her eyes were so earnestly selfless he fought the serious urge to tackle her on the couch and kiss her senseless. When she was like this, so genuine, it reassured him how much he truly loved her. He smiled at her sadly and kissed her forehead.

"Yes, I do. I'd only hurt more if you left. Even if you were gone I'd still hurt for you, and everything you had to go through. I don't think I could take it if you left. Please stay Rach. Please don't leave me. We aren't in high school anymore, when things get tough we can't run from each other. We're a team, and this is it for me. You're it for me. Nothing you can say or do will change that fact, so stay, stay with me." Her cheeks flushed as she felt happy for the first time in two days.

"I couldn't bring myself to leave, I couldn't move past those stairs no matter how hard I tried." She whispered.

"I don't want you to try. Please don't try ever again."

She nodded and agreed when he suggested they go back to bed, it was three in the morning after all. She curled up against him, taking in the familiar warmth of his body and he lightly traced circles on her back, waiting for her to sleep.

"Finn…you're it for me too." The admission was so soft he would have sworn it wasn't real, if he hadn't felt her small voice warm against his chest. He pulled her tighter to him, never happier to hear her voice.

* * *

><p>"I don't want to talk about it." She told him casually, as if she were referring to nothing.<p>

"What don't you want to talk about? Thursday night, or last night? Or the fact that this morning my step-brother called frantically to wake me up on a Saturday morning at nine, to inform me you tried to leave him."

Kurt watched as her resolve broke and she whispered, "He did?"

"Well, I mean you kind of threw him through a loop there Rachel." Her head hung, and Kurt reached for her hand, "Look, he loves you. He's deathly afraid you'll try again. You won't will you?"

"Just trying to last night nearly killed me. So no, I won't be trying to leave him again." The disappointment she felt for herself was thick in her voice.

"You'd fully break him, if you left I mean. You mean everything to him. Everyone knows it, everyone sees it; everyone but you. The way he looks at you, it's like you cured cancer and world hunger at the same time. It's actually disgusting and I try not to think about it."

She sighed into the couch, "I just want him to be happy, Kurt."

"That's all you want? That's simple, don't leave him."

"I won't."

He smiled and pulled her off the couch, "You need to eat." When she made an annoyed face Kurt challenged, "Before he left, Finn said you didn't eat breakfast. Now, it's one in the afternoon and you're eating that mac and cheese I made you, like it or not. It took forever to make."

Rachel gave up protesting and let herself be dragged into the kitchen. Kurt diverted the conversation to a more lighthearted subject, and began ranting about Blaine's inability to keep his socks in the hamper. Rachel was giggling, which he took to be a good sign as he mentally kept a tally of the number of bites she took from the bowl of food in front of her. She let her fork fall into the bowl, and sighed heavily after eating a fourth of the macaroni.

"When did Finn say he'd be back again?" She tried to casually glance at the clock on the microwave.

"When he left he said he'd be back in forty-five minutes, so at one thirty he should be back Rachel. He still has fifteen minutes."

"Oh. Okay, that's good." She said sheepishly.

Kurt sighed and pulled her off the stool, knowing she wasn't going to eat more, "Come on, let's go watch a movie. I was going to bring a musical, but you own everyone I have anyway, so I brought Pretty Woman and Breakfast at Tiffany's. We can watch anything you want, though." He dragged her towards the living room.

"Let's watch Pretty Woman, I haven't seen it in forever." Rachel was curled up on the couch, as Kurt put the DVD in.

* * *

><p>Not fifteen minutes into the movie and she was crying hysterically. Kurt was internally smacking himself in the head for choosing to bring a movie that revolved around sex and prostitution. He heard the key in turn as he was desperately trying to comfort Rachel, and Finn walked through the door. Her head snapped up at the sound of his shoes and she sobbed into his hand as he cupped her cheek.<p>

"Rach?" He whispered.

"The m-m-movie." She answered in between sobs.

Looking around the room, his eyes landed on the movie case and instantly shot up to glare at his stepbrother.

"Seriously, dude?" Kurt flinched at the accusation.

Rachel slid into his lap and mumbled against his shirt, "It's-it's not his f-fault. I asked to w-watch it."

Finn kissed the top of her head and nodded at Kurt when he signaled he was going to leave. His hand slipped under the shirt of his that she was wearing and lightly traced circles on her back.

When her sobs were controlled she looked up at him and whispered, "Don't leave again."

"I won't," he told her. "I just needed to get you a new cell phone. They even gave you a pink jeweled case." His famous half grin beamed at her and she smiled.

"You're too good to me," she said shyly.

"Nah," he murmured, softly kissing the material over her shoulder, "you deserve the best, baby."

"Good thing I've got it."

He chuckled and pulled them up onto the couch, "Can we nap, Rach?"

"Mmm," she twisted over to nuzzle into him, loving the feel of his arms encompassing her small body. She tilted her head up to place her lips on his, trying to slide up to his height. Finn smiled into her kiss, pulling her closer to him with one hand while the other toyed with her hair. His mouth parted slightly with his smile and Rachel took it as an invitation, her tongue hungrily chasing his.

"Woah, woah, Rach." Finn reached down to grip her wrist, her fingers numbly fumbling with the buttons on his jeans.

"You don't want me?" She pulled back to look at him.

"Rach, I always want you. But don't you think it's a little too soon?" His thumb brushed against her cheek.

"No?"

He chuckled, "You're forcing things baby, I'm not going anywhere so just let it happen."

He gave her a light kiss and pulled her into him again, not seeing the hurt look of rejection etched on her face.

**Ayyy was the ending really cheesey? I mean not really the ending but the end of the chapter, I don't know. Oh well, I needed a little cheesiness. It's funny because I felt like Rachel in this chapter about Finn not wanting her. BUT who's happy that she's talking again? I don't know how well I transitioned her into talking, she doesn't say too much because it's a gradual process I think. Suggestions are wonderful and reviews as always are love! Hope everyone is enjoying the end of summer!**


	6. Head to Toe

He had been in the kitchen cleaning up after their dinner, which she barely ate any of. He decided to check on her after he realized she'd been in the bedroom for almost half an hour.

She toyed with the hem of her black ruffled skirt, if you could call it that. The fabric barely covered her hip bone. He was standing in the doorway, staring at her; unsure of what his next move should be. His eyes roamed her body from the tight black corset to the lace thong slightly visible under the tiny skirt. She was kneeling on the bed; her knees shoulder width apart, her hair tousled around her shoulders. Her sexy, red-lipped smirk became a slight frown when he still didn't say anything.

"You don't like it?" She tried to gain her confidence back. She swung her legs out from underneath her, sitting on the edge of the bed she crossed them in a typical Rachel Berry pose, giving him a full view of the black, lace knee-highs he loves so much. Satisfied, she grinned when he had to tilt his head to the ceiling, looking at anything but her. She made her way to him, kissing his exposed neck.

"But, you liked it so much last time…" she murmured against his skin, smiling when he shivered.

_Walking through the hallways of his apartment building he just wanted to get through the door and into bed. He wanted to pull Rachel close to him and feel her skin on his skin. He didn't care how girly it sounded, he wanted to cuddle. He didn't have a bad day at school, but a long one. He felt like he hadn't slept in days and Rachel kept having nightmares, something about the director of her play telling her she sucked._

_He walked into the dark apartment and saw his bedroom light gleaming from under its door. Not bothering to hang his coat, he kicked off his shoes and left everything in a pile, Rachel would be pissed but whatever. _

"_Hey baby," he called as he walked into their bedroom._

_She appeared leaning against the closet doorway, with one arm extended above her. Woah. His girlfriend looked like something straight out of playboy. He briefly remembered Puck calling the Cheerio skirts "crunchy toast," the guy had __**no**__ idea._

"_Hi Finn," her voice was all low and stuff, her hands found her hips and she pressed her back up against the wall._

"_Woah." He was twenty-one years old, he could totally form words._

_She smiled at him, this sexy curved smile._

"_You're so loquacious."_

_He didn't even bother to tell her he didn't know what that meant, she already knew. He was pressed against her, burying his hands in her hair. She had started using a new shampoo that smelled like berries, which he thought was really cool; especially 'cause they didn't make a Hudson scent for shampoo. They hadn't broken eye contact yet, which he thought was really intense, but so was what she was wearing so it made sense._

_He couldn't wait to graduate college so it could be like this all the time. They had their apartment together which was really cool and all, but she went to NYADA and he went to NYU so their schedules were always different. He wanted to be done with school already, so he could get a job that had a set schedule, and a girlfriend who wasn't always so stressed out about grades. Not that he minded unwinding her; he could tell that was what this was about. She'd been stressed a lot lately, and he was the only thing that could help her._

"_This," he motioned up and down her body, "is amazing Rach, but if you wanted me... all you had to do was say so." He grinned down at her, feeling her leg tremble as he grazed his finger-tips over her thighs. Her eyelids shut and her mouth parted slightly as she took in the feeling of him touching her skin. He could feel the chords of tension unwinding, her whole body was at his command and he hadn't __**really**__ done anything yet._

"_Eyes open, baby. I want you to look at me; I want to see how much you need this." Her eyes fluttered open as he commanded._

"_Finn…" She whispered desperately. He loved her like this. His hands skimmed their way up her thighs, playing with the ruffles of her skirt, grabbing at her ass gently. _

"_What baby?" He dipped down to murmur by her ear._

"_Please? I've been waiting for this all day." Her fingers were fisting his shirt._

"_Rachel Berry, have you been planning this?" His fingers were skirting around the lace covering her core, he could feel how wet she was through the fabric._

"_All day long. Finn, __**please**__." Her hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling it lower to her._

_He chuckled; pushing the fabric aside, he sunk a finger into her. He was kissing her neck, feeling the vibrations on his lips as moans slid through hers. He loved working her up like this, curling his fingers against her walls and hearing her breathing hitch. He pulled his head back to look at her; her eyes were closed again, head tipped up but pressed against the wall._

"_Eyes, Rach. I want to see them." He was using the pad of his thumb to rub circles around her clit._

_She groaned in frustration, but leveled her head and opened her eyes to oblige him. When he started to move faster she moaned and her head met the wall again, "I can't Finn."_

_She whined when he swiftly removed his fingers at her admission, "Okay, okay." She placed both hands on his shoulders to steady herself, and stared at him as his fingers resumed their positions. He smiled as she let her eye lids linger shut more than necessary every time she blinked, she was so sexy when she enjoyed herself._

"_How long have you been planning this, baby?"_

_She groaned, "You really want to have a conversation...__** right now**__?" _

"_Mmhmm... I want to know all about how you've been planning this, how badly you need this. I can tell you're wound up." He grinned at her and slipped another finger inside of her, feeling how tight she was._

_Her head dipped forward to wrest on his shoulder, her teeth finding the skin there._

"_Tell me, Rachel," he commanded as he pumped harder._

"_Ohhh my... I-I can't... words." Her knees buckled underneath her, he took the opportunity to back her against the bed. She sighed at the lack of contact, wishing he would touch her again. He laid her against the bed, standing between her legs which were hanging off the edge. Her hair fanned out around her, and she felt his hands slide up her thighs. When he lingered around the lacy material she propped herself up on her elbows to give him a questioning look._

"_Tell me." He stroked her through the material, creating friction again._

_She heaved a sigh, "Since yesterday. I've been planning this since yesterday." _

_He lifted one eyebrow, but pushed the material aside to slide a finger into her yet again. "More," he demanded, leaving the finger idle until she complied. _

_Frustrated, she let herself fall back against the bed. _

"_I've just been so..." he began to move inside her again, "so st-stressed. The play is frustrating me and I just... Our schedules haven't been matching up, and I feel like it's been forever. It's... oh God. It's only b-been three days but I just, I think about you all the time and when I got home yesterday you were sleeping-"_

"_You could've woken me up, baby." His thumb found her clit again and began working it in circles._

"_You-you had a t-test this morning. But, so I came up with the idea last night, and I've been thinking about you tou-touching me all day. I just need you to help me, Finn. Please?" She begged._

_He moved his hands to the outsides of her thong and snapped the thin elastic around her hips to let the fabric fall away._

_She gasped, "Finn! That was new!"_

"_I'll buy you a new one." He kneeled down and his tongue explored her, using his hands to keep her hips from bucking. _

_His tongue was moving rapidly inside her, the way she needed it to be. He let his finger replace his tongue as he moved up to nibble on the soft mound of nerves that drove her insane. She gasped his name, her hands raking through his hair. She tried to stifle her increasingly loud moans by biting her finger but Finn swatted it from her mouth._

"_I want to hear you." He looked up at her, his index finger teasing her, sliding along her wet center._

"_I need you. Now." She begged._

_He grinned and stripped off his jeans and boxers. She tilted her head back when he positioned his erection at her opening. He slid himself into her slowly, letting her adjust to the new position he was trying. He loved that she trusted him and was always willing to try new things. She liked this position, he could tell because her moans became louder and she wasn't trying to hide it. He began moving faster, and deeper his hands gripping her thighs tightly._

_He focused on how this felt for him, trying to settle into a rhythm before he moved one hand to her clit. She lost it when he touched her, he could feel her shaking around him. It took everything he had not to finish with her. He maintained his pattern, hitting her g-spot as she rode the waves of her orgasm. When he felt her walls clench around him a second time, he allowed himself to lose control with her. _

_He let himself collapse and roll off of her, panting heavily. "Wow," he breathed, "Rach that was... just wow." She giggled and curled into his side, her hand lazily fell to his chest as he snuck his arm underneath her neck. He placed a kiss on the top of her head as he untangled her hair with his fingers. "I love you," she told him, "so much." He smiled, tracing the lines of her jaw bone, her cheeks, her lips. _

"_Promise we'll always be this happy?" a worry line emerged as she furrowed her brow. Finn hoisted himself up on his elbow to look into her eyes, "Rachel Barbara Berry, I promise to do everything I possibly can to keep us this happy." She smiled and asked, "Forever?" He grinned and pressed a light kiss upon her swollen lips. "Forever," he agreed._

Her hands were fumbling with his belt buckle when he shook himself out of his memory.

"Rach..." Her name came off his lips softly, tenderly, and her hands stilled. She looked up at him, her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "Baby, we're not ready for this." The dam broke, salty droplets of water streaming down her cheeks. Her arms crossed over her chest and she was suddenly fidgeting uncomfortably. Finn reached behind the bedroom door for her red silk robe and offered it to her, sliding it over her arms and up to her shoulder.

She looked at him, studied him, then walked out of their bedroom. "Rach wait! Where are you going?" She didn't respond, walking through the living room. He caught up to her in the kitchen, she was reaching for a wine glass. "Rachel, I don't think that is a good idea." She spun around, eyes blazing, "Well then what is a good idea? Please tell me Finn, because I'm all out of alternate ideas."

He scanned her eyes before asking, "Can we talk about what this is really about?" She shook her head and turned back to reaching for the glass, "No, Finn, we cannot. Because I don't particularly want to talk about how you don't want me, how you don't even want to so much as kiss me." Her voice caught when she articulated the word kiss. He felt for her, he really did, but he needed a way to make her understand. He reached around her, placing the wine glass on the counter.

He gripped her waist suddenly, hoisting her up to sit on the counter. He could tell she was startled. "You think I don't want you? That I don't want to kiss you? Rach, you are so wrong." He ripped her robe open, ignoring her audible gasp, "But, baby this is what you're asking for." He roamed her body forcefully with his hands, "I loved this outfit when you wore it back then, and I fucking love it now. It's not that I don't want to fuck you, it's that you deserve more than this. Lingerie and quick, rough sex is not what I had in mind when I thought about our first time after your attack. I feel like were in high school again, like its something you just want to get _done_."

She diverted her gaze to the counter as his hands stilled on her thighs. "I-I thought you just didn't want me. Like I wasn't pure anymore or something." He fixed her robe and smiled at her. "I will always want you. I don't want you to try to force this, baby, I want to make love to you. I want to make you feel beautiful and loved from head to toe. I thought our first time would be like this." He gently ran his hands down the length of her arms, letting his hands move up to cup her chin and trace the line of her neck. His lips ghosted over her neck to the hollow behind her ear, where he whispered, "I want to appreciate every part of your body, _for hours_." She shivered and felt her skin prickle as his lips inched their way across her cheek taking forever to locate her lips. He let his mouth hover an inch away from hers.

"Would it be okay for us to wait until it can happen like this?" He asked the question quietly and Rachel nodded slowly. "Good," he smiled and let his right hand trail its way up to snake into her hair, softly massaging her scalp. He pressed their lips together, taking a moment to nibble on her lower lip and another to suck softly on her upper one. He stepped back when their lips parted, offering a hand to help her down.

"Finn?" She said his name sheepishly. He looked at her and answered, "Yes, baby?" She pushed the wine glass a few inches down the counter and asked, "Can we forget about the wine and just spend the rest of the night kissing like that? We don't have to do anything else, I just want to be kissed." He grinned, "Now that, I can do."


End file.
